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Caged by my words

“I’m no good with words” has been an increasingly loud internal voice of mine for a number of years.

A black and white image of metal bars
Photo by Marco Chilese on Unsplash

If you had asked me what negative things I spoke over myself I'm not sure I would have listed this until recently. However, I can now, looking back, see so many places where I had spoken these words over myself and believed them. From penning emails to parents of the kids I taught, to producing school reports, to writing lovely notes in the cards of my friends, each time I went to write my brain told me I couldn't and I froze up. My reports became formulaic, my emails took me hours and cards became short and unremarkable.


But the truth is that I can write! As a kids I wrote my own stories, poems, even parts of my own language. At university I wrote travel blogs and a "how to survive your placement year abroad" guide that people repeatedly told me were really funny and engaging. The placement guide was one that my university even asked if they could use to give to placement students in future years! But my brain still tells me I can't do it.


I found that the words we speak over ourselves can become true, simply because we believe them.


Now, it is impacting on my ability to grow my hobby into a business. Life Languages is a fascinating topic with such a depth and richness that you could be writing about it forever, but my brain has been telling me I can't find the words to explain this tool that I love.


My desire in life has always been to not let fear win. If I choose not to do something I don't want fear to be the reason. I doesn't always work, but I try and push myself (its how I've ended up climbing and skiing, both of which both delight and terrify me!). So this is part of my solution, part of my pushing myself - a blog. Not for you to read (though you are very welcome to peruse my written journey), but for me to write.


La la la la la la la. Fear you will not win. I can write, I will write, I do write and I am victorious!


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